Monday, 06 April 2009

• Currently The Walking Dead, Book 1 (Bk. 1) By Robert Kirkman see related

  A thought on memories...

  
  
  The leaves of memory seemed to make
  A mournful rustling in the dark.
  ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
  
  Well, the thing about memories is, sometimes they take you in places you never expected. For instance, in my session with Paul (my counselor) last week, I began recounting stories about my childhood. You see, over the past couple of months, I have begun a process of piecing together a comprehensive life story. The bulk of this has actually been in weekly conversations with mom, allowing her to fill in the blank spots both in my life and in our family before I came along. These have been both more difficult and more precious than I can really convey. But back to the story...I was telling Paul about our years in the thriving metropolis of Paxson, AK, pop. 30 (on a good day, including moose). I was telling him stories about picking berries, about days spent reading and playing outside, and about our dog sled team.
  
  I began to tell him about one of the strongest memories I have as an adult, which is a nighttime dog sled ride that Dad took me on. I remember getting dressed in my snowsuit, and climbing into a sleeping bag in the basket. The night was perfect; moonlit, still and so cold the air seemed crystalline. I remember laying in the basket, with only the sound of the dogs hurried breath and the whisper of snow under the runners breaking the silence...and I remember feeling so complete. It is one of the most perfect moments of my life
  
  And as I told Paul this, tears welled in my eyes. There was a flood of emotion and I began to cry. There was something there, and as of right now, I don't know exactly what that is. It's not mere happiness, and to call it simply sadness would give lie to it's true nature. But whatever it is...it's there. Unearthing those emotions is incredibly difficult, and while this has had some wonderful repercussions in my life, it remains a daily struggle. But I still feel that if I don't recall my past fully, and deal with the emotions there, both positive and negative, that I will remain a shadow of what I can be.
  
  Thanks.
  
  
  

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